What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 02:30
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What are some reasons why men may not want to date a woman who can pay her own bills?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What does the stink of the skunk look like? Why would it be dangerous?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I waited trembling.
He knew the spot.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why is Hinduism not polytheistic?
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What are some tips for balancing chores, work, and family life as an adult with children?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was seconnd youngest,
What 10 things have you stopped doing in your life?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Have you experimented with bestiality?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why does it matter so much to atheists that God doesn't exist?
But ive been too sick for many years..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
How is sex with a woman for gay men?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But, we were locked up after school.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I don,t even have a pension.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
We all went to grammer schools
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As i do to all so called friends.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I said to her
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot live in the past .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We were not on the streets..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Would this be the day?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My family never makes their pension either.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I think the readers, may guess!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It was going to be , some day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She wouldn,t have been !
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She found it foreign!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why did i forgive my father ?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So, i spoilt her more .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was scared of men, in general
So whats the point in blame.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was in good health!
I was 9 years of age.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
She married twice! .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What did i know ?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But it wasn’t much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im still living with it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And i lived it daily.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
All the time i was locked up.
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Who then, do I blame.?
I write beautiful poetry .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
When she asked me how she looked .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She loved him until the end.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!